Hope For Freedom
If there is one thing that I can give to those of you visiting this website who are struggling, it is to instill in you a hope that there can be true freedom from your eating disorder. I know that many of you simply cannot imagine that freedom to be truly possible, but I promise you it IS! Making the choice to walk head on into the fear that hits you when you decide to enter recovery will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life. It may feel as if there is no way in which you will be able to bear the weight of that fear.
When I chose to walk away from my eating disorder (in the opposite direction), I remember thinking that the emotions would most likely kill me. I’m not sure how I thought that might happen, but I was pretty convinced that I quite possibly might spontaneously combust. What helped me make that incredibly scary decision was that I was aware that the life I was living was already a form of death. In fact I wasn’t living. I was simply existing. So, in some ways I had to choose between two paths that felt like death. I knew for a fact that the path of the eating disorder very literally had the potential to lead to my physical, emotional and spiritual death. Although the path of recovery also felt like it might lead to my death (my completely freaking out / losing it / spontaneously combusting), I knew that it also had the POSSIBILITY of leading to life and freedom.
The eating disorder would NEVER lead me to life and freedom. So I made the choice to walk down the road that had the possibility of leading me to the freedom I so desperately wanted. I didn’t know this to be fact, but a possibility. Given my options, this was the best choice. This choice was not easy for me and will not be easy for most of you. But I promise you that the only path that will lead to your freedom is the path of recovery which requires your choice to walk directly into many seemingly insurmountable fears. There is no other way out of an eating disorder. What I now know that at this moment you do not know, is that freedom, life and love IS found on this path.
It is worth it! Think about it, what is there really to lose? The eating disorder has already stolen your life. My guess is that most of you can already say that you are not living, but merely existing. God doesn’t want you to settle for this. He wants you to know life and to know it fully! He wants you free.
True Freedom vs. Managing Symptoms
I personally don’t think that simple management of your eating disorder is the most that can be hoped for in choosing the path of recovery. Management of your symptoms WILL bring you a certain level of freedom and can certainly prevent you from physical complications and even death, but there is a level of freedom beyond this. I was the kind of person that wasn’t able to choose treatment if management was the best that I could hope for. I wanted to be free…..completely free. And I knew that if there truly was a God then total freedom had to be possible.
Jesus said that he came so that we might have life (John 10:10). He did not say that he came that we could find a way to manage our bondage. He came so that we might have life and have it fully. God sent his son to this earth so that he could make the captives free. It isn’t enough that he helps us remove our chains. He also asks us to get up and walk from the prisons in which we have been living. Management of your eating disorder symptoms IS found on the path of recovery that I am referring to, but isn’t the final stopping place. God wants to bring a level of life to you that is beyond simply stopping the eating disorder behaviors. He wants you to know freedom at your core. That requires going even further into the fearful places that truly underlie and fuel the eating disorder. This process begins in recovery and continues even after the eating disorder has loosened its grip on your mind and body. The level of freedom that can be found as you look into the places of deep need and longing in your heart is beyond what I could ever put into words.
We are all created with desires and longings that reside deep within us. I believe those longings to be God given. We are created for love and to be in relationship with one another. We all have desires to be known, heard, valued, and loved and to ultimately matter in this world. This is where God asks us to pick up our mats and walk. He cannot walk for us (although he sometimes does carry us). We must first choose to enter recovery which leads to the release of the chains (the eating disorder) and then make another difficult and scary choice to walk out of the prison. Our chains are now loosed, but we must get up and walk (into an unknown) in order to live outside of the prison. God asks us the same question he asked many people in need of healing. He asks, “Do you want to be whole”? Are you willing to walk away from what you know and into the fear that has stopped you thus far?
So, there are several fearful places along this road where we are asked to choose between life and death, between the eating disorder and recovery, between management and freedom, between lies about ourselves and God’s truth. This journey is a noble journey. It is worth the struggle and difficulty.
Take the Journey
One more thing I need to mention is that I do not believe that we are meant to take this journey alone. Many of us at Selah House have had to walk a very similar journey to the one that you are now considering. We are here to walk along side you. We can help lead you out of your prison and into the life that you were created to embrace. This eating disorder is not who you are! My hope is that you make the choice that will lead you to the “you” that is lost inside of this eating disorder and to the freedom that God wants for you. If there is any way that we can help you take the difficult step of choosing the path of recovery, please let us know. It would be an honor to walk next to you as you choose the path of freedom.
With a greater sincerity than you might imagine,
~Chaia
Chaia Hazan
Chaplain/Treatment Assessments
Selah House
